Grooming products wrapped in snark.

Grooming products wrapped in snark.

Granted, the reason they’re not telling you is probably because they don’t know that they should since the secret I’m talking about isn’t marketed as a “women’s thing.” So while you’re spending a crapton of money unnecessarily, they’re saving money, and they aren’t even telling you how.

I’m talking about Dollar Shave Club.

First of all, check out this ad. Their commercials alone were enough to win me over:

Humor aside, this is an awesome service that saves you money and is super-simple to use. I first got wind of it when The Boy subscribed. Now, I’ve subscribed myself, and I’m getting the basic $1/month plan. I got a starter kit complete with my first set of 5 basic razors (2-blades), a basic blue and grey handle, and a sample of their awesome shave butter. (Seriously, I’m going to get a full bottle of this stuff. Not only was the tiny sample they sent me enough for me to shave my legs – yes, both of them – but it’s clear so that you can actually see what’s going on and not miss any spots! And it leaves your skin super-soft.) You also get an awesome little publication every month called “The Bathroom Minutes” which contains interesting/funny articles and tidbits (like promoting the businesses/charity events of their subscribers) that you can read while on the Porcelain Throne.

Open up the box, and the first thing you get is quality reading material.

Open up the box, and the first thing you get is quality reading material.

Just for funsies, I did a little research and found that Gilette Venus (which was the brand I used to prefer) also offers a “subscription service”, but they’re $1/week to start, and you have to pay separately for the handle, which I found for, like, $10 and up! And if you don’t subscribe, you can easily spend $20/month refilling on blades at the store. Why? Because they’re pink and made of silicone? Your other alternative is to get the crappy disposables for less money…but they’re crappy. And throwing out all those plastic handles can’t be good for the environment.

Ladies, we need to shave stuff. Sometimes, we need to shave a lot of stuff. Why spend ridiculous amounts of money for something that’s basic, regular maintenance just so you can get a pink handle and pink shaving cream and features that you really don’t need? Give this service a whirl! Because the guys in our lives shouldn’t be the only ones saving money on shaving shit.

Blades, shave butter, and a  sturdy razor handle. And I didn't even have to leave the house!

Blades, shave butter, and a sturdy razor handle. And I didn’t even have to leave the house!

And a note to Dollar Shave Club. See above about “women needing to shave stuff.” I’m not saying you have to change your entire marketing strategy. After all, your commercials got me to sign up. What I’m saying is, that in your language, you don’t have to make your pitch specifically to dudes. We all need to shave stuff, and we all need to save money. Keep the snark, just lose the gendered language. No, you don’t have to make anything pink (unless, of course, you wanna). And you don’t need to market one of your razors as “The Lovers Blade” (“You will love this razor – and your girlfriend can use it too”). Just market your blades to people. Because all of us – men, women, and everything on the spectrum – are a bunch of hairy motherfuckers. And we all need to handle our biddness.

And many of us are lazy and cheap and want our shaving products delivered directly to us. Thank you for providing that service!

Now, loyal readers – if YOU’D like to experience the magic that is Dollar Shave Club for yourselves, CLICKENZEE HERE! (Yeah, that’s my referral link. For every person I refer, I get a free month. Hook a sistah up.)

Shave on, my friends! Unless, of course, you’re not shaving on purpose in order to make a political statement about body image and femininity – then by all means, don’t.